Mama bear

Have discovered nothing causes more stress than having your kid out in the world and the world sucker punches her. Over the course of the last 2 months, there have been two instances where Charlotte has felt threatened/afraid at school and it's because of one other child. 2 months ago this child told Charlotte it was the there was man waiting in the sewer killing little girls and telling Charlotte she was next. A barrage of meetings with teachers and counselors to discover he had gotten it from a movie. This time it was the same child telling Charlotte he was going to kill one of her friends because that friend "cheated on him." Keep in mind this child is 6 or 7. And I have no idea what he watches or sees at home. All I know is my child has started complaining that her stomach hurts before school and that we are having conversations about having a clear line of communication with her teacher when she feels uncomfortable. The counselor told us that she had told Charlotte that there are people in the world who say bad things and we just have to do our best to get through it. That's when I got angry. Just deal with it. That was the message given to her. Just found out from her teacher that this child was suspended for three days because of this and his mother was mad at the school. Three weeks of school left this year. Am seriously considering pulling her out now. Debating homeschooling (again) and if we can afford me to be part-time. What a headache.

She is a butterfly

So Charlotte is 6 (7 this summer) and experience has taught us not to fret, that the game will eventually click. It took Ryan until last fall (age 8) so for now we can enjoy Charlotte's playing of the game. Where Ryan runs to get the ball, Charlotte kind of flits and flutters--we call it her "butterfly thing". While Ryan is kicking goals, we are delighted and so proud when Charlotte kicks the ball. Just touches it with her foot. She runs fast because she knows she is supposed to, though she may not really know why. Or if she knows why, she may not care. And really, her run is kind of a gallop...Which is okay. She still likes to go and she likes to practice.

Love watching him run

Last season it finally clicked. Ryan started understanding the nuances of the game and became more aggressive and eager to learn the game of soccer. It was a treat to watch him in the fall and again this spring. There is talk of letting him try out for select in the fall...we'll see. We will likely put him in soccer camp this summer. He is fast and those long legs carry him far! He is more agile on his feet and moves the ball better. He's improving. I love watching him run!

Spring is here..along with some reality

Today is one of those beautiful days! A hammock day! And I'm typing a blog. Walked Charlie to the park and back and am mentally revving up for the girl scout meeting tonight (I touch on camping) and the cub scouts--we are doing art. I am bring a cobbler to make in the dutch oven over the open fire at girl scouts:) Our first camporee is coming up Mother's day weekend--I wonder how many have been camping before and I wonder how I will manage my first girl scout trip as an adult--and in a lodge no less:( I'll touch on those thoughts another time.

I felt I should share a dramatic shift in thinking that has taken hold in the last weeks. Whether it's the economy, the results of an abysmal job search and humiliating HR experience, more friendships and ties here or a combination of all of the above--I have come to a place where I am ready to make a life...here. Not Cincinnati. Not Centerville or Kettering, or Yellow Springs. Here. This last year has been very hard. I didn't expect finding another job to be so frustrating and difficult. It makes me thankful that I have a job now to pay the bills! The kids are in soccer and scouts are making more ties in school. The realization came that even if I was GIVEN a job in Cinci tomorrow--I couldn't take it. We can't move, I am unwilling to commute 2 hours a day. Our house and day to day running of events is crazy. One of us needs to be home more. We have put everything on hold with the hope that we could leave. And I am tired of putting everything on hold. We need to find a church to go to. I want to build a playhouse for the kids. The house isn't bad and we will be in a place fairly soon to make it better. We'll be in a place where i can work part-time and keep up with our living space! Greg agrees (though still wants out of the house). But he agrees. And I have found a measure of peace. A couple of my work friends say I am giving up. Maybe. But working part time and having more time to do life sounds really appealing. Hopefully Murphy's law will STAY AWAY and I will not be offered a great job full-time. I have made peace with a different path. All it took was time and some harsh realities. I still have my degree, no one can take that away. The allure of a better job remains. But not here. At some point we may go. I hope then it won't be such a fight or seem so insurmountable.

Run run run

Tired and bummed. Applied for two more informaticist positions at current hospital and wasn't even called for an interview--the posts have been filled. Feel like I am hitting my head against a wall. Am leaning more and more to moving myself southward. 10 years of seniority will go. Emailed the HR director here to see what holdups there may be. Also have to look at my personnel file. It's not like the team doesn't know who I am am--I did my practicum there for heaven's sake. And maybe that's the problem. They know me. Don't know what I may have done to hack them off, but I can't think of any other explanation--maybe there really is a whole favoritism thing between the sister hospitals. Who knows? Have been applying for two years.

Another bummer. Antioch raised tuition--now over 8 grand for the first kid, over 7 for the second. No way we can afford that even when we are done with our debt management program. So moving to the south end of town is looking more and more like the plan. Am ready for a regular job--one that happens in the daytime where I am home every evening. And holidays. So will keep plugging away--and hope something breaks soon.

There is no walking

She doesn't walk. She shimmies, climbs, spins, skips or jumps. Furniture is no impediment. She just goes over it. If it as a support she has to stand on it. The kitchen chair beams are frequent roosts. There is a persistent bounce when she moves forward, but even moving forward requires movement side to side. It seems to be all in the hips. I never notice much with the arms.

Today it is red tights, magenta skirt and lavender long sleeve tee. They should all clash, but to know her, it works perfectly fine. And makes me smile.

She gave me a gift this morning. Yesterday it was an "infinity of kisses". Today it is a pendant, a small inexpensive kind that comes with her little pet books. But it is wrapped in a cherished swatch of fabric and given with some gravity. She gives all the time.

The joys of being a mother to a 6 year old girl.

A cold?

Charlotte started with the runny nose a few days ago and it went directly to croup. 4 am we tried the steamy shower, which after a bit she didn't like. It helped, but then it got worse- so off to the ER. Luckily no breathing treatment, just an oral steroid. She was quite chatty to the ER nurse at 0500 and he wanted to know if she had had her coffee already. No sir, that's how she is. Her runny nose is now cleared up and Ryan has started. The humidifier has moved from her room to his. He takes his cold like me. Goes right for the throat and makes him croaky. Once again, the great flu immunization debate...I have to get one for B North or wear a mask for 2 months. Will likely get the mist for the kids. Sick kids are a misery.Have to wait for the colds to clear up completely. Rained today, the snow continues to melt. It's a weather lottery every day.

The house is slowly shaping up. I finally convinced Greg to get rid of our entertainment center and just yesterday he gave me permission to get rid of our 20 year old Magnavox! So the fireplace room is the emptiest we've ever had it. Now if only I could get rid of that couch... Books are everywhere. It will be a major undertaking to go through them all and pass some along, but the shelves are overwhelmed. I have pared mine down enormously--it's mostly the kids stuff now. I no longer feel the need to buy books--I actually let my BN membership lapse for the first time in 15 years. I don't buy books anymore. Am actually looking at a Nook--I can download ebooks from the library on to it!! Greene county has quite a few, but I figure memberships toi Montgomery county and Centerville libraries will help!

I start hospital wide orientation at B North next week. Hooray! Have to spread it out over two periods since I am still part -time at the View. Can't wait to cut down to 2 nights a week!!