My mother in law once asked me why I bothered making chocolate chip pancakes every week for the kids as opposed to other quick fix breakfasts. "They don't appreciate it" she said. I replied, "I know, they'll appreciate it later."
I realize often that this is true. They can't appreciate what I do for them now, they have nothing to compare it to. It's like asking them to appreciate a tree converting carbon dioxide into oxygen. It's a fixture in their lives, like me. I realized not long after I was married that I didn't appreciate a single thing my mother did for me. Not one. It's not that I was an ill-mannered child, but I was her child. She was a fixture in my life, like the walls of our home. She was an awesome cook. She made us a hot breakfast every day until high school when we probably outgrew them. To this day, I remember her giving my brother the first pancake because it was always too greasy for me. I asked her to and she did. She made chocolate chip pancakes the size of dinner plates. I didn't see her as a extremely dissatisfied housewife until I was out on my own. I knew it but was always confused by it. She was Mom--not a person with needs, desires and frustrations (unless it dealt with us wearing our shoes in the house!) We never talked about it. We were never friends.
When my kids see me, what do they see? I am a fixture, a constant in their lives. I am Mom.
I now know what it takes to read a book "just one more time" when I can barely keep my eyes open and am so ready for them to go to bed. They have no idea what it takes. Nor should they. It's not an expectation I have. One day they'll remember--and hopefully make their kids chocolate chip pancakes.
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