Took a test

And feel utterly stupid. Actually, that's not true-- not stupid, just lacking. I am in an interview process for an informatics position out of state. They are in the beginning steps of implementing Epic. In order to do so, the informaticists have to be certified in different Epic applications-- apparently the exams are quite hard. So before the prospective company moves me across country, I needed to take a proctored exam--logic, math and verbal. I am ready to cry. I got some things right but know I got alot wrong. Even the logic stuff. Had I taken that exam 20 years ago--I would've done fine. the questions required a kind of mental flexibility that has been conditioned out of me over the last fifteen years. I work, practice according to rules and regulations--think of a box. I operate in a box. Thinking outside the box labels you a disrupter, non team player and torpedos your career--which would be fine if I didn't have responsibilities--like a mortgage. Greg urges me to wait and see. Of course I will. He is extremely good at the logic and math stuff--which is even harder on my ego. I like to think of myself as smart. But I'm not as smart as I used to be. And I really wanted to be good at this and move away from this fucking place.