As I've been walking Ryan to school these past weeks, I have noticed how big his hand has felt in mine. Maybe because it's the end of the school year and I am nostalgic anyway, how his hand feels in mine has been a distraction.
I held his hand as a baby, amazed at how little his hand was in my palm. As a toddler I held his hand for safety in parking lots, having to close my hand more to keep his secure. I remember him trying to twist away from my hand when he was angry with me. Now my heart leaps when he voluntarily takes my hand as we are walking along. For him, demonstrating affection is more rare and precious. The tips of his fingers would meet the edge of my palm, now they curl around it. His growth has been so much more than physical and holding his hand shows me how much he has grown. "I know, Mom" he says.
He quietly accepts my hand as we walk and sometimes I feel he is humoring me. I still need it. Hopefully, for awhile, he will too.
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